Monday, August 18, 2008


So after 3 and half long years it sounds like my heart might be getting fixed in the next couple of months. I finally heard from the Dr in New Orleans today and I go September 10 for TEE(which is so not fun) AND then I go back September 11 to find out if the dr thinks he cn fix it by stint. If he can then I am going to set up a date to get it fixed. Then if god forbid I need open heart surgery I will meet with a surgeon on the 11th and then from there set up an appt to get the thing fixed. Either way we are hoping to get matt home for the surgeries. MORE updates to come.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


So lately and it seem now more than ever I hear my biological clock ticking. Funny Huh for several reasons. They are both good and bad.
1. Matt is deployed not going to happen
2. I have 2 great wonderful kids
3. I still have a year in college
4. Matt and I will not have jobs in less than a year.

Yet I still want another child with Matt. Of course he can not decide if he wants more or not and I don't blame him. He is going 23, has 2 kids, and has dealt with alot more than some people deal with in their whole life.

I feel like I am stuck waiting for him decide and feel that by the time he says yes or no I will not too hve any more because the kids will be so old. Or maybe I will be too old.

I have been trying not to put pressure on him but I wish he would just say yes or no. It is hard though especially with Kylie starting Kindergarten, maddison turning 3 in less than 3 weeks, and a bunch of people I m friends having babies.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?????

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Stop Loss

So I watched the movie stop loss Which is a conversational item in the Army. Here is a description of the movie

After a tour in Iraq, decorated hero Sgt. Brandon King (Ryan Phillippe) returns home to his small Texas town and tries to readjust to civilian life. But when he's called up again as part of the military's controversial stop-loss program, he decides to go AWOL. Directed by Kimberly Peirce (Boys Don't Cry), this poignant drama co-stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Channing Tatum as Brandon's war buddies and Timothy Olyphant as his superior officer.

So have always know what stop loss is and have always hoped that it does not happen. but the thing about the movie was not the stop loss but how these wars our affecting our men and women who come back after going thru that hell over there. It was so sad to watch this movie to see the outcome of each guy was shocking and at times very surprising. (I will not give away any secrets sorry). As a wife of a deployed soilder I can honestly say that the one thing on our minds(besides sex)is how is thos going to affect the men we love. When Matt came home in July there were some minor issues but alot of it was because he had been hit in the head by 2 different IEDS attcks. Yet this time it is going to be a whole different ball game because the first time ws 4 months. This time is 15 and I can already tell a differnce in him. When he is mad he does not blow up but instead lest me know in subtle ways which are hard to explain. When he was home with the kids there were times that he would get angry for no reason. He was nd is still a good man but honestly u can not see what he has seen and faced without having some issues.

In the movie they were sitting on the bus heading to war and u could tell that each person was thinking about something but I wonder what. Were they thinking about thier family, how they might never see them again, about the job at hand, or about somethign silly like food. I know that when Matts bus drove off I was thinking please do not make me a widow before I am 27, don't let me have to tell my kids that thier dad was dead, I was also thinkign how much I loved him and how prouds of him I was.

Another thign that has pissed me off is all these politicans who talk abotu what we shoudl or should not do about the war and yet none of them have experienced this war like the soilders are now. Yes some have faced war but please these are different times and the wars, weapons and people behind the wars re different. I wish before they tried to get up on thier high horse about what THEY think is importnat about the war, they should go on patrol with a unit thru a dangerous part of Iraq or afghaistan not just in the green zone. This will allow them to have a better understanding of war this war needs. Also Poloticians please do not try to act like u know what the military family members re goign thru because at the end of the night your spouse or children are with u. You do not spend days on end waiting for a phone call u might never get, or get no sleep because u don't want to miss the phone call.

While I am thankful for the freedoms we have but at what cost is it worth it.

Kindergarten here we come!!

So tonight was Kylie's orientation at her school. All week Kylie had been saying she did not want to go to school. I just told her too bad you have to

Well After sitting Thur 30 minutes of crap about school uniforms(yes we wear them), lunches and the other garbage we finally got to meet her teacher. Her Teacher Mrs. Thibeaux is great. Her nick name is Mrs T-bo and she is a has a great attitude towards the kids and her job.. She is totally into keeping the kids involved and motivated. Very bright and bubbly you can tell she loves her job. I am hoping for a great year.

Kylie loves her too. We got home and I got her in bed and she cried because she is not able to go to school until Monday said she wants to go now. So excited

There is only one worry. They have to take a test to pass into 1st grade but they have to pass Math and Reading with 70%. They don't take the test until the spring. I know I am worrying about nothing but still.