Sunday, September 30, 2012

Weight Watchers- Week 5

This week has been a week trying to figure out what is going on with my diet. I have done several detox baths, increased my points some and then last nigth I chugged a ton of water and that seemed to help. This week I am going to focus on getting 120oz of water a day and 3 meals a day.

Starting weight -218.5
Current Weight - 207.5

Weight Loss 11 pounds which is also 5% of my body weight.

I am so happy to see a double digit weight loss. I am going to keep on trucking and hope I see the 190 by the middle of novmeber

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Who am I?

Until recently I was able to give a very honest answer. I was a mother wife, student, case manager, a daughter and a woman.

Yet the most important way that I identified mysle was as a wife. I was a wife to Matt and I was very proud of that. However I lost that identity during my divorce and I struggle with who I am.

There will come a day in the very near future that I won't be needed by my kids everyday and that is scary. Yet, I know that I need to fid out who I am so that I can be strong and confident in that.

God has a plan for me and I have to remember that my plan is not his plan for my life. I never expected to be divorced however I truly believe that god is healing me so that I can be a better mom to my kids so that if and when that right person comes along I will be ready. However I also think god is working on the man who will be my helpmate because I am a pretty strong and determined woman who has handled a lot.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

God's Timing

Sometimes it seems like we don't want to wait for gods timing. Rather we would rather do what we want when we want however if we do this then we miss something great

The hardest thing for me right now is leaving everything up to god. I am a person who likes to be very much on control however after the past 9 months I have come to realized that I have to give my control up because regardless of what happens he is always in control.

One hard thing that I am struggling with is thinking that maybe there is no body out there for me. I know that I have to trust in the lord and maybe the plan is for me to be single. However I hope not because I like being in a relationship, however I want a health relationship. Not one where I feel like I am the only one responsible. I know the next few months and possibly years I will be focusing on healing myself.  I know that I cant be in a healthy relationship unless I am healthy also.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Being Honest!!

Keeping things real and honest is something that I am having to learn how to do.

When my marriage to Matt ended I was worried about the fact that I would not find  someone so what did I do. I ran stupidly into a mans arms and a relationship that moved fast however things were not as they seemed with him and I decided that I did not want to be with him.

 However to keep it real I only started looking for a man to fill the void I had inside myself. For so long I had been with Matt and did not know how to be alone. However when push comes to shove I have to learn how to stand on my own two feet and that means loving myself and being happy with what I have accomplished.

 There are not many women who can stay that they completed college while caring for two small children while their spouse was in Iraq. Many women are not juggling 2 kids an their schedules, plus working 40 hours and going to school to get a masters degree and yet I have managed to do all that.

It is time for me to stand on my own two feet and be happy with what I have.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Letting Go and Moving On

So the last few months have been a little weird and the reason why I say that is because during this time I met someone, got engaged and moved in with him all in a 3 month period.  I wish I could say that we are parting on good terms but we are not.

 However I was able to see that I was going to in end up in another rleationship like the one I just left. I don't want to be someones mom. I have my girls to raise and I don't want to have to raise a grown man. I also could see that there were mulitple other red flags taht were being pointed out to me  but I did not want to see them because I was and I still am afraid of being alone. However I need to be alone, to come to grips with what happened in my marriage and how I can go about making myself whole without a man in my life.

The relationship I just left was a huge lesson for me because while I thought that I was ready to move on and was even ok being single I realized that I was scared of being a 30 year old divorced single mom of two and that scared the shit out of me. So rather than waiting and giving myself the time I needed to heal.  I jumped off the cliff into another mess of a relationship. This time I am going to focus on me and the girls. No boys allowed. If and when god feels that I am ready for a man he will send one my way but until then I will sit back and watch my little ladies become young women.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I face single mom hood again!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Weight Watchers Week 4

Again this has been another crazy and stressful week(more on that to come). Due to this I had ALOT of fast food. I was hoping to keep on trucking with my weight loss and I have to say that I did. Defintley going to start shaking up my weight loss this week and do better on tracking my points. Yea on keeping at this for one month

Starting Weight-218.5
Current Weight- 209

Weight loss of 1.1 pounds for a total loss of 9.5lbs.

Dang it!!! I was so close.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Week 3 weight watchers

So this week has been very very very stressful. Needless to say I was shocked to see a weight loss.

Starting Weight-218.5
Current Weight-210.1

Total Loss-8.4

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Am I Loveable???

How do u love someone else when you have a hard time loving yourself. This is the question that I am currently battling.

I had a rough childhood due to a lot of sexual, emotional, verbal and physically abuse.  Alot of times growing up and still now I struggle with feeling truly loved.

I have attempted to do therapy with some success but then I hit a small speed bump and I have a huge set back. How do I go about loving myself again??

Monday, September 10, 2012

Spciy Corn Chowder- WW Points 3


  • Remove corn kernels from cobs with a knife; reserve cobs and 1 cup of kernels.
  • Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add garlic; sauté until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add jalapeno and onions; sauté until soft, about 5 minutes. Add celery, cumin and turmeric; cook for about 1 or 2 minutes more.
  • Add broth, water and cobs; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 15 minutes; remove and discard cobs. Add corn (except for cup of reserved kernels), salt and pepper to soup; simmer for 15 minutes more.
  • Puree soup until smooth in pot using an immersion blender (or in a food processor or in batches in a blender—but be careful not to splatter hot liquid). Garnish with red pepper, cilantro, scallion and reserved cup of corn; serve hot or at room temperature. Yields about 1 cup per serving.


  • Grill the corn and pepper for extra flavor. And cut back on the jalapeno if you don't like too much heat.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Week 2 of Weigth Watchers

I this week have to say that this week was a tiny bit easier then last week. I did figure out that my body does better with a bigger breakfast and a smaller dinner so I have been trying to eat breakfast more. I also have been trying to do a detox bath at last once a week. This seems to help release alot of yucky toxinis. I have also been uping my water intake which is not wasy since I work from my car so much.  This week I as  going to focus on trying to elimnate stress. Lol

Starting Weight-218.7
Current Weight-212.5

Weigth lost to date:6.2

Saturday, September 8, 2012


Wow where do I begin. I have been trying to blog about my feelings and thoughts for the last few months but my brain looks like a kladescope. I have had a ton going on with my family, school and work. However the biggest thing for me sticking out is I feel like a failure. Yes I know that it takes two to make a marriage succeed and fail. However I still feel like a failure. 

I think a lot of the reason I feel this way is because I could have made the marriage work had I not been so selfish. I know that there are times we want to be selfish and I can say that my ex and I were both very selfish. In the end this selfishness affected all involved parties.  He moved on while I was not ready and honestly I don't think I will ever get over the way he hurt me. However he is remarried and I do wish him all the best. I just wish at the end of the day I did not feel this way.  However I keep on moving thru this thing we call life and I pray these feelings will go away because I know that this is where it was meant to be.

As humans it is hard for us to admit when we screwed up and so I have to say that I screwed up in a big way when it comes to him.

At the end of the day I know that while I did not succeed in this area I have in others. I am a great mom, I have a full time job which I am good at, I have put my spec thru 2 hopefully 3 college degrees all while raising kids.

At the end of the day I am not a failure. I am successful

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Week One of Weight Watchers

So this past week I have been doing Weigth Watchers plus my crazy busy life. However despite a few bumps in the road I am pretty satisfied with my weight loss. I am hoping to lose 20 pounds by christmas. When I posted last Saturday I weighed 218.5 however when I weighed in on Sunday I was to 218.7.

Starting Weight-218.7
Week 1 Weight- 215.4

Weight Loss- 3.3lbs.