Matt's coming Home

We found out today that Matts unit will be comign home in the Early Part of July. WOO HOO. I am so exicetd to see him but now that means I have to kick my butt in gear to get this weight off.

vacation and dieting

so this past weekned I went over to Daytona wih my family and of course I was worried about keeping on Track and losing the weight. Well I was very consiceous about what I put in my mouth. sO TODAY Was the first weigh in and I still and holding steady at 212 which is great because it means I did not lose or gain but hav efigured out the best way to eat and still have a good vacation. Hopefully I can keep this up when Matt gets back.

Bathing suit

Today I decided it was time to buy a new swimsuit so I went to Goodys and tried one on that I really liked. I took 2 sizes a 16w and a 20w. The 16 was my unrealisitic yet when I put it on it fit perfect. IT HAS been real eye opener becasue in the beggining I did this so I would be skinny when my husband got home but after today I am doign this for me. I want to be hot again plus I want to be healthy. Woo hoo

Please Remember

Please remember all the service men that are servicing in Iraq and Afghanstian.
My husband is stationed in Iraq right now and we found out when he comes back he will be going over in Noveber for 15 mths. He has already been there for 4 months.

Also we lost a member of my husband unit recently and it has hit everyone had.

Big Accomplishment

So last night was a bad day food wise I ate 2 pieces of cake and 4 cookies and yet my weight is still at 214. This weight is the smallest I have been in a while which is great .

WEight loss and a Bad Ankle

So yesterday I reinjured my ankle and it hurt really bad and I have not been able to walk or do my strength excersie but I did manage to lose another half of a pound which meanS that I am now 15.5 pounds away from being under 200 pound. I am so excited and hope I can keep it up while I am on vacation.

shorts

Last week I wrote about a pair of shorts that I was unable to wear for the longest time. When I put them on last week they were tight but I could wear them. This week I put them on and they fit perfect. Not to tight which is great I am so happy one small step.

Gas

So today I WAS on my way to the grocery store and my car died. I had no gas. I was so embarrassed becasue I KNOW when to put gas in the car it has just been a crazy week.

Sore

I am goign to be sore tomorrow. usually when i do my dvd I use candles that proably wieght a pound today. But today I went and bought wights. they were 3 pounds each. Tonight I did my workout and it smoked me but I kept at it. I will let you know tomorrow.

Big weight loss

Whoo hoo I lost another pound and a half and I feel great.

Finding Nemo

So I made fish for dinner(salmon) and I manged to get my 3 year old to eat it. She even asked for second and third which shocked me but she loved it. So Nemo is no more.

Hard Night

A few months back my husband AND I made a decision in regards to onje of are childrena dn now I am feeling like I made the wrong decsion. I am not sure if I am having these issues because matt is gone or if is because I am hurting so bad buT I do knOW IT is starting to take a toll on me.
Also I HAve been having alot of hurt because both time I was pregant I was unable to enjoy because they were both mistakes and if I did enjoy it then I would piss off my fmaily. I have tried telling matt how I feel but of course he does not udnerstand and sometimes does nto seem like he cares.

So basciallly my life sucks. And oh yeah I am getting my butt kicked in thnis challenge and really just want to give up and eat ice cream. WHO CARES If I am fat.

Biggest Loser

SO I did my biggest loser dvd last night and I ahve lost another half a pound which is great. IT also means I have to do my dvd and that is not to hard. Now all I have to do is to keep at it and not get discouraged by anything else.

Still Holding Steady

Today i weigehed myslef and I am still at 218.5 and I AM satified with that, I am not mad or happt about it I hust know that I will lose it soon. It has been a rought week waiting for matt to call home and then hearing from him and finding out that he is coming home in August but only to go back iN November.

It has been hard too becasue my ankle it killing me and it hurts everytime time I step down.

I think and know one thing taht hurt me this week was that I have not been doing my dvd and since then i have been holding steady. I am going to do that tonight and see what my results are.

The one thing that has come from this is taht my percentage of fat is down whic is good. When I started the competioton it was in the high 50, like 59 a dn now it is 51 which is good. I am not gettigng discouraged I am getting more determined.

I have set a mini goal for myself this week and it is to be 215 by thursday.

Holding Steady

I am still at 218.5 but I am happy wiht that. I do not want to lose to much too fast. I waas abe to walk the golf course and I felt fine.

Dumb A** Ankle

So i found out today that I have to stop working out but that is like asking a drunk to stop drinking.

Matt

Yeah I have heard from Matt. Happy day

Mothers

My childhood was very hard becasue my mother was extremely abusive to me and to this day I have never been able to forgive or forget what she had doen to me. I relizaed tonigth that holding on to my anger had not affected her any but it was affecting me.

I was letting it control how I love my parnets, How I love and treat my husband and even how I treat my Girls. Also my dog. Stupid dog.

My husband has always been very supportive and loving towards me but in the last year or so i have been having a rough time with giving him my affection. My mom passed in october of 05 and when she died I felt that a boulder had been lifted but it was always still there. I am always afraid that matt will leave me or stop caring about me because it seems that at some point the people who supposedly do love me stop caring. I learned thru having mothered his children that he does still love and always will even if things change.

My children give unconditioanl love and that is the one thing they need from us. I have come to understand that my mother could or would not give this without strings attached. I have learned that even if they or you do something wrong they will love you and that will never stop. Today Kylie me in the car that she did not like me. I have heard this before she misses her dad and is having a rough time but it hurt so much because of the situATION that I broke down in tears. When Kylie saw this bothe she and maddison walked up to me and hugged and both of them told me they loved me. Even maddison my 21 month old. I relaiized today that they still love me even though they say they don't.

Mother's day is fast approaching and my husband can not be here again(he has missed every mothers day) but I know that he still loves me and that he loves the fact that I am willing to give him monsters(as he says). Please be thankful for your mothers even if they get on your nerves because you never know what tomorrow brings and what could happen to you or her. I never got the chance to tell my mom I was no longer upset with. I figured I wold have plently of time and Now I will have to go to my grave knowing that my mother thought I hated her.Sometimes I wished I had one more day with her to tell her I love and I am sorry how things ended up.


Matt if you read this please know I love you and I am thankful for the life you are providing us.

Sorry to ramble. I had a lot on my mind

Because I said so

If you have not watched this movie this is one of the best ones out there. I cried because I wished my relationship would Have been like this with my mom or even my step mom.
Also I want to have a great relationship with my daughters so that they can come to me about anything. Even Sex things.
As children and teenagers we think we know everything and we are in the biggest hurry to grow up yet when we get there we wonder what we were hurrying for. We need to learn how to savior life and take the good with the bad.
I have learned that even thought my husband is gone which is a bad thing life still goes on. Maddison is learing how to talk more and I think she might be almost ready to potty train, kylie's speech has imporved and she has learned how to help me more around the house. Also I got 3 b's and a A this semseter which has put be on the honors list again.These all great things that have happened and showed me that I can't stop living becasue of soemthing I have no control over.

I have also found that my parnets do love me and do want teh best for me but it has been hard for them to get close becasue of all the crappy things my mom did to me. I also found out that my parnets to car about Matt and are worried about him being over there. This has been a big step because they have always treated him like crap.

I have come to reliaze taht maybe my parnets were right. That is I need to enjoy the small things going on even in a rough patch because this to shall pass.

STRESSING

So I have not talked to Matt since sunday and now I AM REALLY WORRIED.This also has me worried because he was supposed to go back to the doctor on monday becuase his humvee was hit by 2 ieds and he and another guys have concussions. I have a really bad feeling about him not calling. We also found out today that another deployment is happening sooner than we thought and that has me really stressed because I can barley survivie a 6 month deployment how the Hell am I going to survive a 12 to 15 month deployment. IF u read this please keep all of our soliders in your prayers even if you don't support the war.
Thanks for listening and God Bless

small accomplishment

Today I put on a pair of size 18 shorts that have always been to tight but todAY I could fit into them comfortably. I can wear size 18 jeans and they have been tight but those are starting to get lose. I am so happy about my pants. Yes. Also i ahve lost another pound which is very good.

Bad Ankle

So today I tried to walk so that I can keep theweigth loss up. I could barely do a mile because my ankle/leg was hurting. I did try to run it and that made it hurt worse. i am going to try agin tomorrow but I will only do the golf course.

Big 10

So I have lost my first ten pounds and it only has taken me 2 months which is good because I am not trying to lose the fat fast because it is unhealthy. I am so happy about the weight.
GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take that boxes

Yeah i finished unpackign all the boxes plus I got all the pictures and decorations up. Go me. Hopefully I can consider thsi part of my work out since it took me 3 hours. On th other hand I talked to hubby and he is ok but a Little down because maddison is talking more and he feels like he is missing it.

Good Day

So yesterday we went to the zoo and i was afraid i WOULD put alot of weigth back on because of what I ATE. A thing of fries with chili and cheese and a cheeseburger. I was good though I only half of the cheese burger and all of the fries. Yet I did not put any weight back on I kept it holding still at 221.

dreams

Last Night I had a dream that Matt had come home from Iraq. The dream was so real that I could almost feel him next to me in bed. In the dream Matt came hoem but he was so different THAT it was almost scary. I know that happens to most guys who go over there. They leave as one person and come back a completely different person because of what they have seen. I am praying taht matt does not come back different because I would be afraid that he will start to become abusive because that is what usually happens.

Life sucks

Yeah so my life sucks right now. matt is in iRAQ and I am making myself worried that somethign could happen to him. I am constantly wonderign what the hell I am going to do without him. I was boo hoo balling over a movie because I wished he was here to watch it with me. I am pathethic

Another Great Recipe

Ranch Stew
Ingredients
1 can of sweet corn
8 oz can of diced tomatoes with chiles
12 oz can of ranch style beans
1/2 cup choped onions (optional)
1 lb extra lean ground beef

Directions
Brown ground beef in skillet, add onions and cook for 3-5 min. Add corn, tomatoes and ranch style beans. Cover and cook for up to 10 min or just long enough to warm everything- the longer it simmers the better it tastes and you're done! I have served it with cornbread or flour tortillas... it also tastes great all by itself. Number of Servings: 6
Calories: 166.6

I altered by adding
2 cups rice
1 6oz can tomato sauce.

Also I added another can
6 oz tomato sauce and
6 green peppers
to make it into stuffed green peppers.
Calories 171.1

add 1 cup cheese and it adds 10 calories to it.

Enjoy

Biggest Loser

So I was unable to do my walk yetserday so i decided to do the DVD of the biggest loser and let me tell u it helped. I dropped the pound that I gained back and I am going to take the girls to teh zoo and hopefullt I WILL be able to walk it. I woudl like to lose another pound soon.

Scince Final

WEll on wenesday I took a science fianl that I was afraid I was going to fail because I am not a science person. So I got my gread back and it was a 273 out of 300 which is a 91 and the grade I got in the class was a 84.72. Which is a B. I was so worried that I was going to fail but now I have 2 b 1 A and a unkown because the teacher has not graded it yet. I am pretty sure I will get a B in the class. So yeah. One less stress.

stupid diet

So yesterday was a bad diet day which has lead me to gain a pound back. I am not really worried about that. I am more worried that the doctor will tell me I can't work out and that is goign to suck bad. Knowing me thought I will still go out there and workout but just not as hard.

Stupid ankle

Well a few months back before matt left for Iraq I twisted my ankle and thought that it had gotten better but it has still been sore. Today at the play ground I WAS picking up Maddison to get in the car and was walking a way and between a combination of bad ankles and a uneven ground I went down. Yet I was more worried about maddison falling. I felt her start to go head first so I grabbed her face and turned my bad to break her fall. Nevertheless I think I did soem serious damage to my foot and I am going to teh doctor to make sure it is nothing to serious but I have a bad feelign abotu it becasue my entire ankle is the size of a orange plus it hurts to put any pressure on it even to flex it and I have never had that problem.

Lost Pounds

Today i did not lose any weight but I was able to hold steady at 221. The good thing those is that my pertcentage of fat is starting to dwindLE. So even though no weight loss I did lose fat which makes me happy. Woo hoo.

Fat

Yeah so I decided that I am sick of being fat. I am half a pound away from losing 10 lbs. I can't believe that I was able to sick with it even though it was extremely hard because I GOT STUCK At 8 lb lost for a few days. I am so proud of me and can't weight to hit teh 20 pound mark. Size 12 hereI come. Also I did my walk todya even though I did not want to.

Ps You have to burn 3500 caloires to lose one pound. That means I have burned 33250 caloires and it has taken me 50 days to lose 9.5 lbs.

Kids

Yeah today with my girls was intersteting. Kylie is taking my husband deployment really hard and it is starting to get to me. Tonight at dinner she told me I miss my daddy and proceeded to break down into tears. then she told me that she can't wait for him to get home because she is going to make a cake for him and give him a big kiss.
Then I took her to bed and she has a marine doll that use to be her dads and she told me Her husband was goign to sleep with her.
I love my husband but I wish he was here because he is missing some important things.

Walking and weightloss

well today I lost another half a pound which is great and I did teh golf course again today but it was so hot that I thought I was going to die. Today I burned 422.4 caloires which is great and yesterday I burnedI burned 316.8 caloires.So hopefully this will help me continue the weight loss. So far I am beating Brandi but I am sure she will give me a run for my money.