Failing!!!

Wow where do I begin. I have been trying to blog about my feelings and thoughts for the last few months but my brain looks like a kladescope. I have had a ton going on with my family, school and work. However the biggest thing for me sticking out is I feel like a failure. Yes I know that it takes two to make a marriage succeed and fail. However I still feel like a failure. 

I think a lot of the reason I feel this way is because I could have made the marriage work had I not been so selfish. I know that there are times we want to be selfish and I can say that my ex and I were both very selfish. In the end this selfishness affected all involved parties.  He moved on while I was not ready and honestly I don't think I will ever get over the way he hurt me. However he is remarried and I do wish him all the best. I just wish at the end of the day I did not feel this way.  However I keep on moving thru this thing we call life and I pray these feelings will go away because I know that this is where it was meant to be.

As humans it is hard for us to admit when we screwed up and so I have to say that I screwed up in a big way when it comes to him.

At the end of the day I know that while I did not succeed in this area I have in others. I am a great mom, I have a full time job which I am good at, I have put my spec thru 2 hopefully 3 college degrees all while raising kids.


At the end of the day I am not a failure. I am successful