Sunday, July 29, 2007

Life

When my hubby left for Iraq I wondered how was I going to take care of my girls and still be able to keep my mind from wondering if my husband was safe. Some how I managed to keep life moving which included moving into a new apartment 2 weeks after he left, finishing school with honor roll, driving to and from florida twice with 2 kids and a dog, hearing the news that your husband had been hiyt by ied's not once but 4 times. I figured whne he came home life would be a lot different because he had been hurt but also Because I had been doing everything myself. Yet soemtimes it still feels like it is just me by myself even though he is home.
He is trying but most times it is just easier for me to do it by myself because of how anal I have gotten about things in my home. Also it has been wierd because we found out he is goign back to Iraq and I almost wished he would had just stayed there because then I could have kept life like I had it. That sounds awful but it is just as hard on military spouses as it is on the servicepeople. Yet the struggles are different.

When we would talk online everyday he was telling me all these great things he was goign to do and that we were goign to do but yet nothign as happend. Like earlier this week he wanted me to call a friend to watch the girls but I did not because I don't understand why he can't call her and surprise me but of course it response is that he should not have to surprise me we are married. That is like saying I am not worth his time or effort. I have never been important to anyone and yet when we got married he said I was the most important person to him but yet again soemone said I was unimportant to them.

Also when he was gone we had decided we were goign to try for another baby but we wanted to wait a few years yet now I am in crisis mode because I might be again which would be good becasue I truly do want another baby but then it would be hard becasue we don't have the space, the car is too small, I am still in school, my sister is pregant and I wouldhave to be on bed rest because of my heart.

3 comments:

Brandi said...

Oh god, Jess, how I wish I could be there to help you. I hate it that things are like that for you, and am praying for you with all my heart. I think it is normal for him to be frustrated and feel that he doesn't fit in, and I think it's normal for you to feel that way too. You had to make separate lives when he was gone, and you'll go back to that routine when he's gone again. But you each need to remember how much you missed each other, how much he wanted to be home and how much you wanted him back home. Let him do things even if you feel it isn't right, it'll make him feel like he fits in again, and it'll take some of the burden off of you (even if you just have to go back and re-do it later, LOL) for having to do everything.

As for the surprises, just tell him that even though you are married, you need him to still remember to pursue you. Being married doesn't mean you win and that you don't have to try anymore, you still have to work at it. A marriage is like a garden, if you don't weed it, it becomes overgrown and kills itself. If you don't water and feed it ... it starves to death. Tell him how you feel, really tell him, and that you need him to be supportive too. That you know he had a tough time, but he has to realize that you did too. You may not have been shot at in the past few months, but you still had to live alone and helpless knowing that your husband was being shot at and there was nothing you could do. Talk to him, honey.

truelifeofjess said...

I have been trying to let him help but that requires him getting off the coach.

He think s him cooking dinner once a month should be enough but sometimes I need more especially with everythign goign on right now.

Brandi said...

Just be sure to tell him that, you know? Like we talked about, between the two of us, we just need to sit them down and say, "Look here, this is what I want. I give you what you want, so return the favor, bucko." LOL, you think it'll work?