Saturday, March 29, 2008
All my fault
So everytime I think about the danger that Matt is in I blame myself. I do this because if it was not for me getting pregnant with my youngest then he would not had to join the military and he would not be sitting in Iraq trying to keep himself alive. He tells me it is not my fault but had we not gotten pregnant so fast then I do not belive we would be living the life we are. There is so much guilt eating away at me that I needed to tell someone. Would our lives have been easier or different had it not been for my kids. Would Matt be so worried about us that he is willing to die to protect our freedom. How do I say thank you to a man that has given everything and gotten nothing in return.
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Honey, we had this talk already. I know you can't help how you feel, but you need to remember that it wasn't just you that chose this. It was Matt that signed the papers, and there wasn't exactly a gun to his head. He was willing, and he is able. You love your husband, and that's what you can do to thank him. Just love him while he's gone, and love him all the more for coming home when he gets there.
But you need to remember that this is not your fault, you didn't force him to do this. The baby was a surprise, yes ... But a surprise for both of you. That takes the fault from the situation, and God has a plan for that child. He has a plan for your family, and for your husband. You need trust, sister-friend.
And you need to call me when you need to talk ... *hint,hint*.
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