Thursday, May 6, 2010

Loving ... Romantically or Dutifully

I was reading this book a few nights ago and this phrase popped out to me about how she was questioning wheater or not her husband loved her romantically or dutifully. Well this got me thinking and seeing how I woke up thinking about it the next morning i knew it was meant to be a post. So here we go my ramblings on love.

Merriam Webster has this definiiton about love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love

I have been thinking ablot about love. Matt and I have hit a rough patch in our marriage where we both are working like crazy, trying to manage the bills and the kids and there seems to be little time for us. This has been a greater stressor to me becuase he feels nothing is worng yet when I read this line the other night it got me wondering does he love me out of romance or because he has to becuase of duty.

When you start dating things are great there are no problems and you know someday you will get married and have babies and if those things dont happen you move on. Yet when you do find that one things are great. I think for Matt and I we have been through so much with him deploying that we would get to do the whole new love thing over again and now that he is home constantl we are having to find a new balance. This is the romantic love where things are great and where you hope to never leave.

Yet there is the dutifull love. The one where you make yourself tell him you love him even though him leaving the toilet seat up for the million. I think we all get into a rut of where we feel like it is dutifull love rather than romantic love and that is ok becuase there are times that we need to remind oursleves why we feel in love. Yet how do you bring yourslef back? For matt and I it is a night out. That may sound kooky but we had Kylie before we got married so that is how we get our relationship back.

I think there are times that perople go lookign fro romantic love in the arms of someone else and end up regretting it becuase if they would have taken the time they could have found a way to become romantically in love again.

Before I start getting beat let me say this. I think there are times when divorce is the only option yet I think divorce has become to easy fro people to use. Rather than fighting for thier marriage they would rather walk away becuase it is to much work to try to save thier marriage.

PS. My title came from a romance novel.

1 comment:

Brandi said...

I agree with you that sometimes people use divorce as an easy way out so that they can magically find romantic love with someone other than who they married. But I also stress as a woman getting divorced that sometimes there is just no other choice. Both parties have to wan to save a marriage, otherwise it isn't worth saving. One person loving in romantic love while the other lives in dutiful love always means that someone's needs aren't being met, and often it means that the romantic one is having to settle into dutiful love because they feel that there is no point fighting for their needs. Over time, resentment builds and that is often the end of the union. It is hard to get past resentment in a marriage because people will often refuse to admit how they feel, especially to their spouse.