Monday, September 2, 2013

Love... And letting go

I am a huge reader and therefore I am a huge believer in happily ever after...however sometimes that does not happen and we have to take what we are given and move forward with our own happily ever after. 

When I first got divorced I stayed away from romance stories( which are my go to reads) because of the pain I was in. Yet slowly i have been adding those back into my reading library. 

Tonight I was reading LETTING GO by Meg Jolie. This is the second book in the series. While it is a work of fiction, that does not mean that I can't learn from it. When I read regardless of the story I am always able to find something that sticks with me. 

Tonight it  was this line
"It was time to move on. While he would always hold a piece of her heart and soul it was time to take control of her life." 

These two simple sentence may not seem like a lot an yet to me they were life changing. I read them over and over and over.  For the last 18 plus months I have done everything in my power to act like I was no longer in love with my ex, it was and is a lie. Yes he hurt me and yes he did something awful in the end it does not change the way I felt about him for Almost half my young life.  Just because he stopped loving me in a short period of time does not mean I was able to turn it off so easy. He was my first love and is the father of my children. For that I will always love him.  If I hate him then am I not hating my own flesh and blood?

I am no longer in love with him. He is someone I used to know and love just like I am someone he used to know and love. We had good and bad times. We took on the adult life when we were both still babies ourselves. We had many struggles and challenges handed to us before we were even old enough to drink.  We grew up and grew apart. We wanted different things and that is ok. I think in the end if we had tried to make it work for the sake of our children all of us including the children would have been miserable and we would have hated each other. 

I truly think that in life we are given the ability to love many. I know that someday. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow but someday there will be a man who walks in my life who will not want to walk out. My future is so much better than what I could have ever asked for. Yes there will be pain and yes there will be heartache. But life is not meant to be a easy journey. I want to know before I meet god that I have no regrets.

Many people have told me that it will get better and the pain will lessen. I can say that each and every day it does. I have spent alot of time looking at myself and knowing that while it ended, and I had my faults it was not all bad.

I think the fact that it has taken me so long to stop hiding from this truth will allow me to open up and be able to take control of my life. 

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