Am I Loveable???

How do u love someone else when you have a hard time loving yourself. This is the question that I am currently battling.

I had a rough childhood due to a lot of sexual, emotional, verbal and physically abuse.  Alot of times growing up and still now I struggle with feeling truly loved.

I have attempted to do therapy with some success but then I hit a small speed bump and I have a huge set back. How do I go about loving myself again??

Spciy Corn Chowder- WW Points 3

	So as I am doing on weight watchers I have been looking for yummy recipes that the entire family would eat. When I have made corn chowder in the past I have used poatatoe and a ton cream. This recipe is lightened however I did add a tiny bit of cream but it did not really affect the points to bad. Spicy Corn Chowder 6 medium corn on the cob, husked
	1 1/2 Tbsp olive oil
	3 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s), minced
	2 medium jalapeño pepper(s), minced (don't touch seeds with bare hands)
	1 cup(s) uncooked onion(s), finely chopped
	1/2 cup(s) uncooked celery, finely chopped
	1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
	1 tsp ground turmeric
	4 cup(s) canned chicken broth
	2 cup(s) water
	1 1/2 tsp table salt
	1 tsp black pepper, freshly ground (or to taste)
	1/2 cup(s) sweet red pepper(s), chopped
	1/4 cup(s) cilantro, fresh, finely minced
	1/4 cup(s) uncooked scallion(s), minced (optional)

Instructions

• Remove corn kernels from cobs with a knife; reserve cobs and 1 cup of kernels.
  
• Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add garlic; sauté until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add jalapeno and onions; sauté until soft, about 5 minutes. Add celery, cumin and turmeric; cook for about 1 or 2 minutes more.
  
• Add broth, water and cobs; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 15 minutes; remove and discard cobs. Add corn (except for cup of reserved kernels), salt and pepper to soup; simmer for 15 minutes more.
  
• Puree soup until smooth in pot using an immersion blender (or in a food processor or in batches in a blender—but be careful not to splatter hot liquid). Garnish with red pepper, cilantro, scallion and reserved cup of corn; serve hot or at room temperature. Yields about 1 cup per serving.

Notes

• Grill the corn and pepper for extra flavor. And cut back on the jalapeno if you don't like too much heat.

Week 2 of Weigth Watchers

I this week have to say that this week was a tiny bit easier then last week. I did figure out that my body does better with a bigger breakfast and a smaller dinner so I have been trying to eat breakfast more. I also have been trying to do a detox bath at last once a week. This seems to help release alot of yucky toxinis. I have also been uping my water intake which is not wasy since I work from my car so much.  This week I as  going to focus on trying to elimnate stress. Lol



Starting Weight-218.7
Current Weight-212.5

Weigth lost to date:6.2

Failing!!!

Wow where do I begin. I have been trying to blog about my feelings and thoughts for the last few months but my brain looks like a kladescope. I have had a ton going on with my family, school and work. However the biggest thing for me sticking out is I feel like a failure. Yes I know that it takes two to make a marriage succeed and fail. However I still feel like a failure. 

I think a lot of the reason I feel this way is because I could have made the marriage work had I not been so selfish. I know that there are times we want to be selfish and I can say that my ex and I were both very selfish. In the end this selfishness affected all involved parties.  He moved on while I was not ready and honestly I don't think I will ever get over the way he hurt me. However he is remarried and I do wish him all the best. I just wish at the end of the day I did not feel this way.  However I keep on moving thru this thing we call life and I pray these feelings will go away because I know that this is where it was meant to be.

As humans it is hard for us to admit when we screwed up and so I have to say that I screwed up in a big way when it comes to him.

At the end of the day I know that while I did not succeed in this area I have in others. I am a great mom, I have a full time job which I am good at, I have put my spec thru 2 hopefully 3 college degrees all while raising kids.


At the end of the day I am not a failure. I am successful

Week One of Weight Watchers

So this past week I have been doing Weigth Watchers plus my crazy busy life. However despite a few bumps in the road I am pretty satisfied with my weight loss. I am hoping to lose 20 pounds by christmas. When I posted last Saturday I weighed 218.5 however when I weighed in on Sunday I was to 218.7.

Starting Weight-218.7
Week 1 Weight- 215.4

Weight Loss- 3.3lbs.