This post is extremely hard for me to write.
My friend Brandi pointed out to me a few weeks ago that the reason that I am so focused on having a man in my life is because I don't want to deal with the issues I have from my child hood. At the time I did not agree with her and I still disagree on some points however some of what she said was true.
When I was a child I experienced sexual an physical abuse at the hands of several family members including my mother. Thankfully I was able to leave and go live with my dad and his new wife. However here I was this child who have been abused for years and now I needed to pretend everything was ok.
Well as you can imagine it was not and I still think that I do have some PTSD from that event. I did get therapy but at the same time I had a lot of things being said to me about my mom and also how horrible I was.
Well as you can imagine growing up hearing that I was very resentful. However I was very good at holding it inside. For many years and still currently, I am one of those people who is a people pleaser.
However because of that I have allowed myself to be walked all over.
My goal for the next month is an odd one but I want to start standing up for myself. While this will not be easy because of work issues I know that I need to as this is one way to deal with my past but also to heal so that the future is better